Today was a hard day. I cried. A lot. I missed my ex. I’ve had to make some hard decisions recently, and not having him there as support proved to be rather difficult. After speaking with my sister, the question came to mind “Do I love myself?” because she mentioned taking care of oneself. She pointed out that my depression was an illness and I needed to take care of myself. Now, this could be an entirely different post about taking care of oneself, but I’d rather talk about loving yourself first.
Do I love me? There are things about myself I do like. I have many friends. I have unique and special relationships with all my siblings. I have great hair. And that’s all I got. Things I’d like to improve about myself, include, my level of education, my fitness level, making time for myself and my dreams (i.e. this book).
The second question is, do I take the time to truly love myself and take care of myself. The dedication, patience and time I spent on my ex and our relationship needs to be redirected to myself. I think I need to take a new view on caring for myself. Work on the things I do not love and learn to love myself unconditionally and be good to myself. Do the things that I love and simply make me happy. I think right now all I do is berate myself and come down hard on myself instead of believing in myself. I am always pushing the bar higher, making it almost impossible to reach. I don’t trust my gut as much as I should. Maybe, by starting to love myself, I can fight this depression and attract the right man (eventually, no rush – it’s not a priority). Maybe by being more complete, I can have a healthier life and love one day.