It’s been one year, four months and thirteen days since he broke it off and I’m still reeling. Not on the bedroom floor crying (anymore) – thank God – just obsessively thinking about him and his new girlfriend/lady in his life (I’m not sure what she really is and I’m too scared to ask). To be fair I was doing tremendously well until my living situation became out of control and family drama ensued. And just the mere tearing down of my defenses left me emotionally vulnerable. Everything feels so fresh. Our last words, last discussion, the entire freaking relationship really. I keep getting flashes of all the laughter, kisses and embraces. Obviously, that’s not all it was, there were dark times, but that’s all my frigging mind can all of a sudden recollect.
It only makes sense though, that in harder times I’m going to miss him. He’s going to seem like the only one that can solve my issues and help me cope. Now, I would love to argue that it’s the truth and he would make things go poof but for my own survival and sense of self I have to be reasonable. I have to remember, things will change, things will alleviate (without him) and I won’t feel as desperate.
And I think it’s the same for depression. In dire times, you have to keep reminding yourself that things will change. No matter the situation, things will change and you can bounce back to where you were. Like any struggle, there are going to be relapses.