I want to be honest about my writing journey because it’s part of the entire picture and has definitely been influenced by my depression. I also don’t want to pretend and leave out parts of the story as it really defeats the purpose. And really if you go back far enough in my blog posts you’ll see where and when this all started. That being said, I’d like to address what the hell happened along my book journey and why it’s taken me so long to properly launch and market A Hidden Life.
- I had completed the novel in 2014 and had a launch party with family and friends.
- 2015, the fiance broke it off, I moved back home into my parents house, sh*t just went down the toilet from there. I hit a low point and stayed in bed often (more on that later), this lasted for a couple years. I did not have it in me to promote anything, period.
- I attempted many times to work on this project during those darker times but it just was not happening.
- I was always waiting for the “time to be right.” I realized that time would never come. There is no perfect time and you’ll see so many people say that on social.
- I was frightened to make mistakes and not execute it perfectly. As a perfectionist and a type-A person, I did not want an imperfect book or launch. Took me a bit to realize how my need for perfection was hindering my life (all aspects). Nothing would ever be perfect, my life or this book.
- I was (and still am) scared this book is a piece of crap. I have my friends who strongly support this project and those who read the type of genre I am aiming to fit into and enjoyed reading A Hidden Life but still to put your work out there is frightening! And this is something I wrote in my 20s.
- BUT look at Hollywood and well they release lower quality movies all the time, not that I’m purposely putting out garbage but you know what I mean! And a lot of actors make it back after crappy movies, so what if not everyone loves A Hidden Life. Also, my book, even if it’s not perfect, still has a purpose. The perfectionist in me is like well if it ain’t going to be #1 what’s the point? I have to step away from this type of thinking because I truly do feel it could help a lot of people, especially young women battling with mental illness.
- And well, you have to start somewhere! Look at Issa Rae, her YouTube show, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, was jokes but was it high quality to the next level as Insecure? No, but it showed her talent and she learned and grew.
- I was not in a place where I could admit to myself the dedication it would take to pull this off (side hustles are freaking draining). Nor was I ready for that level of dedication. Finally, I wasn’t experiencing happiness in other areas of my life so it was difficult to be motivated about a side project, if that makes any sense.
I’m now in a place where I am stronger than ever and years of therapy are finally paying off. I’ve (mostly) recovered from the ex-fiance situation. I love my job, my apartment and I’m in a place financially and emotionally to do this right. Also, I think I’m just the right amount of relaxed to build organically on this project while still being somewhat strategic and disciplined in its execution.
Has your mental illness stopped you from working on any side (or main) hustles and projects? What do you think will help you overcome what’s blocking you and get things started finally?